November is Alzheimer’s Disease Awareness month and the Sun Sentinel is sponsoring an Elder Care Forum on our campus Thursday called “Caring for the Caregiver: Coping strategies when a loved one has Alzheimer’s.” It’s a difficult topic to discuss and even more so for those who have witnessed a family member go down that road of no return.
I am one of those. My dad had Alzheimer’s. he died more than 7 years ago. Physically his cause of death was lung cancer. but mentally and emotionally the person we knew died long before that. so, it’s not meant to sound callous, but it was a actually a blessing that cancer took his life before he reached the advanced stages of Alzheimer’s. And the years leading up to his death were the most difficult for my mom, the caregiver.
So, I’m dedicating this post to my dad.
My father was a proud man who worked very hard to support his family. he and my uncles initially owned a few dry cleaning stores. I remember the smell of perc (the dry cleaning chemical) from the times my cousins and I would play hide and seek in between the sacks of clothes in their stores. And a real perk (no pun intended) of my own was that I never had to pay for dry cleaning. All the way through college, and even when I got married and lived close by, I would gather up a load of clothing and deliver it to my father. And a few days later, my clothes miraculously appeared all pressed and bagged. Let me tell you, it was quite a rude awakening when I actually had to pay for my dry cleaning.
But my father eventually branched out into sales, working his way up to became vice president of a large dry cleaning supply company. And he was the consummate salesman. he loved to “kibbutz” with his customers and vice versa. he would service several dry cleaning stores each day and write up his orders and do his paperwork at home in his makeshift office. My dad loved his work and could never see himself retiring. he didn’t really have a lot of hobbies. His bad elbows didn’t allow for the usual retirement activity of golf. he had a stamp collection and season tickets to his beloved Giants’ games, but other than that, he was a working kind of guy.
He was well into his 70s and still working away. The changes in him were subtle at first but he finally had to stop working. To save face, he said it was his choice, but it was clear that he just couldn’t do the job any longer due to memory and concentration lapses. so, he retired and over the next few years, he started the descent into that foggy world of Alzheimer’s.
Since I lived in Florida and my parents lived in New Jersey, I didn’t see the day-to-day difficulties that my mom witnessed and had to deal with. And then the real nightmare began when he didn’t know who she was anymore, and kept asking her where his wife was. when I visited, he seemed to know me, but he was often confused and disoriented. but it was a different kind of nightmare for my mom as the 24/7 caregiver.
As I said in the beginning, the cause of my dad’s death was cancer, but Alzheimer’s was the disease that robbed him of his identity. The disease is a terrible sentence not only for Alzheimer’s patients, but for those who must be strong and care for them.
It is heartening to know there is help and support and this forum is a great resource for all those who need it. The forum is on Lynn’s campus on Thursday, Nov. 17 at 2 p.m. it is free and open to the public, but reservations are required.
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